Review Your Spirit

“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”

Proverbs 16:32

I am always excited this time of year as it when we get our reviews for our work performance. I was anxious to see what review I would get as I hoped to get a raise. I once received only an 18-cent raise with another company, but a raise is still a raise. My current company has been good to me, and they have been generous with raises. I had been in my current role for only 10 months, so I was unsure of how I would be rated but still hoped for the best. I recently got a new boss, so the review would be with my new boss and my old boss would be there for observation. I had not seen or spoken to my old boss for a couple of weeks, and I was looking forward to the conversation. I checked my email just before going to lunch, and I found the meeting notice for the review, with my completed review attached to the email. I excitedly opened it and became upset as I read it over. It was not harsh by any means, but I did not agree with his assessment. I took a deep breath and decided I would step away, go to lunch and get my mind right.

I went to lunch and God started to work on my heart. I started making excuses such as blaming my boss for not giving me proper training, not providing me a mentor, and not pouring into me what he was holding me accountable for. I received no real formal training, even though he met with me twice a week for the first several weeks. Initially, I found out things only when I saw someone else doing them and realized I needed to be doing them as well. I was thrown into the fire and it was basically sink or swim. There used to be a leader training class, but that was scratched and condensed to a website that we could refer to with questions. All these things were swirling in my mind, and I simply did not think the assessment was fair and accurate. I am not sure how I looked in the restaurant as I fought with myself, but I must have been a sight to behold.

We recently started reading a book at work called Extreme Ownership, and the truths I learned from the book were fighting against my thinking and my excuses. Did I take ownership on how I led my team? Did I ask for help when I should have? Did I ask for a mentor or did I just wait for my boss to assign one to me? Did I act immediately on the things he brought up to me? Could I have done better? I was guilty on all accounts and God brought this to my attention. My anger subsided, and I realized I owned the results on that paper. I took a deep breath and went back to the office. My old boss and new boss showed up at my desk and led me into a private room to go over my review. I asked God to give me wisdom and to guide the words of my mouth.

My old boss asked me if I had any questions and I stated that I did not. He went over my review and I offered no excuses. I commented that I should have asked more questions and for a mentor earlier, but I could not change that at this time. He agreed with me and even had empathy for me and felt bad about things that he might have done differently with me. There was no anger or discontent in my heart, and I even shook his hand, thanked him for his mentorship, and for taking a chance on me. I took that review to heart and vowed to work on the things that were listed on there. I got a “meets expectations” on my review, but my goal is to exceed expectations. I left the room feeling calm and at peace, and I thanked God for helping me quiet my spirit. I realized I would not have handled this situation in the same way several years ago, but God can do amazing things in your life if you will surrender your spirit to His.

Are you having trouble controlling your anger? Do you seem to blow up quite often? Are you asking God to rule your spirit or do you take matters into your own hands? Does your anger get you into trouble? May we be slow to anger, and may we ask God for help in controlling our spirit. Review your spirit to see if it is aligned with His.

Stay in the Fight!

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